Whatever the true facts are in relation to the death of MI6 officer Gareth Williams, I cannot believe that there was ever the slightest chance that he’d padlocked himself into a sports bag, placed in the bath of his apartment!

However, at his inquest today, a so-called “expert”, Peter Faulding,  showed a video demonstrating how it was possible for someone to zip themselves up in a sports bag of the type used but that it was impossible to then padlock the bag from the outside … no shit Sherlock!

Footage played at Westminster Coroner’s Court showed Mr Faulding trying to get into the bag in an empty bath and he confirmed that he had tried and failed to lock the bag from inside 300 times.  “I couldn’t say it’s impossible, but I think even Houdini would have struggled with this one,” he said.

Another “expert”, William MacKay, who said his military career made him adept at working in confined spaces, told the inquest that locking the bag was a skill that would have required training but that once a person had done it, they could not get out.  Mr MacKay and an assistant failed in 100 attempts to lock the bag from inside, and caused damage to the zip.  However, he would not rule out that it was possible, adding: “There are people around who can do amazing things and Mr Williams may well have been one of those persons.”

How do I get a job like this?  I’ve yet to see a single job advert looking for experts who know how to zip themselves up in a holdall.  As the poor man worked for MI6, I can only assume I must have just missed this in the classified ads – BOOM!!!