Scientists at Rolls Royce built a gun specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners and military jets all travelling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.
American engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the Windshields of their new high-speed trains and so arrangements were made, and a gun was sent to the American engineers.
When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken shot out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the engineer’s back-rest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin like an arrow shot from a bow…
The horrified Yanks sent Rolls Royce the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield and begged the British scientists for suggestions.
Rolls Royce responded with a one-line memo:
“Defrost the chicken.”
My rose-tinted spectacles have been well and truly removed and I’m reconsidering my thoughts on a British seaside holiday! A report this week tells how pollution levels at Britain’s most popular beaches reach a decade high as fears rise over tourism impact.
Tests have revealed that raw sewage is still spilling into the sea, despite water companies investing billions in improvements. Blackpool alone could face losing £1bn in revenue unless improvements are made to sewer systems and more than 40 beaches are expected to fail when new standards are introduced in 2015.
Some of Britain’s most popular beaches, including Weston-Super-Mare, Exmouth and Blackpool, recorded the worst bathing water quality standards for more than a decade, according to a list obtained by The Sunday Times.
In 2015, tougher standards are being introduced and will be partly based on this year’s results. At the worst beaches, signs will go up warning people not to swim.
Water companies need to make more efforts, as well as farmers and householders to protect beaches from becoming polluted and there needs to be more information on the times of sewage overflows. The overflows, which operate during heavy rainfall, are one of the biggest causes of pollution flowing into the sea along Britain’s coastline. They are supposed to operate only three times in one bathing season, but some resorts can have more than 100 sewage spills during a wet summer.
Brings a whole new meaning to the words “I’ve had a s**t holiday!”
Having just sat through almost 4 hours of TV coverage of the opening ceremony of London2012, I can’t help wondering what the rest of the world made of Danny Boyle’s ceremony. His concept was to give us “a celebration of the creativity, exuberance and, above all, the generosity of the British people”. Undeniably clever, for the viewing public it was certainly a spectacle but a lot of it would have been lost on you if you weren’t British!
What we were all waiting for though was to find out the identity of who was to light the symbolic flame which had been shrouded in secrecy ahead of the ceremony. Fittingly it was a group of seven young athletes, chosen by British Olympic champions, who each lit a single tiny flame on the ground, igniting 204 petals, one for each competing nation or territory. Long stems then rose towards each other to form a cauldron, signifying unity. This for me was the highlight of the whole night – incredible!
There was so much happening that this post would become something akin to War & Peace if I tried to cover it all, so as I’ve given you my highlight of the occasion I should probably mention my lowlight …..
Sorry all you Beatles fans out there but Paul McCartney was DREADFUL!!! His performance out of tune and completely shambolic at the start. He did get a bit better as he warmed up but I think that it is probably time he gives up and goes home – it’s not like he needs the money!