And so to today’s most ridiculous news story …

Police in the West Midlands have released a recording of a woman who dialled 999 to request help in a row over the number of sprinkles on an ice cream.   During the minute-long call, the woman told the operator: “It doesn’t seem like much of an emergency but it is a little bit.”

In the recording, the woman can be heard complaining about the ice cream she has been given.  “I’ve ordered an ice cream and he’s put bits on one side and none of the other,” she said.   “He’s refusing to give me my money back and saying I’ve got to take it like that.”  

The Police would have been well within their rights to tell her she was skating on thin ice, put her in cold storage where she could cool off and then perhaps explain the difference to her between a “99” and 999.

After all is said and done:

“… everyone knows that ice cream is worth the trouble of being cold. Like all things virtuous, you have to suffer to gain the reward.”  ― Brandon Sanderson, The Rithmatist.