Category Archives: General
Now that’s what you call a ‘boob’!
As if teenage girls aren’t body conscious enough, found on sale recently was this card, produced by Hallmark:
The company hurried to apologise for the blunder and by Friday afternoon had posted a statement on its website agreeing that the card was inappropriate, and claiming it had not been published in the last 15 years. They have promised to track down any remaining copies of the card and remove them from sale.
Now I like risqué cards as much as the next person but I genuinely believe that we have to be extremely careful when dealing with impressionable teens and big corporations should definitely behave more responsibly – I wonder if there are any cards out there referencing a teenage boy’s ‘bits’ to even up the score???
A fishy tale
On reading an article today about how Researchers have found that the lobster population in Maine has begun resorting to cannibalism – the increased number of crustaceans in Maine’s water has resulted in the bigger lobsters feasting on smaller ones apparently – I was reminded of my favourite lobster joke:
Declan the humble crab and Kate the Lobster Princess were madly, deeply and passionately in Love. For months they enjoyed an idyllic relationship until one day Kate scuttled over to Declan in tears.
“We can’t see each other anymore….” she sobbed.
“Why?” gasped Declan.
“Daddy says crabs are too common,” she wailed. “He claims you, a mere crab, and a poor one at that, are the lowest class of crustacean… and that no daughter of his will marry someone who can only walk sideways.”
Declan was shattered, and scuttled sidewards away into the darkness and to drink himself into a filthy state of aquatic oblivion. That night, the great Lobster Ball was taking place. Lobsters came from far and wide, dancing and merry-making, but the lobster Princess refused to join in, choosing instead to sit by her father’s side, inconsolable.
Suddenly the doors burst open, and Declan the crab strode in. The Lobsters all stopped their dancing, the Princess gasped and the King Lobster rose from his throne. Slowly, painstakingly, Declan the crab made his way across the floor… and all could see that he was walking not sideways, but FORWARDS, one claw after another!
Step by step he made his approach towards the throne, until he finally looked King Lobster in the eye. There was a deadly hush. Finally, the crab spoke…………..
“F***, I’m pissed.”
Witty Wednesday
A penguin walks into a shop and asks the assistant: ‘Do you have any grapes?’ ‘No,’ he replies.
The same thing happens the next day, and the day after. On the third day the assistant replies: ‘No, and if you come in asking for grapes again I will nail your flippers to the floor!’
The next day the penguin walks in and asks: ‘Got any nails? ‘No,’ replies the assistant. ‘Got any grapes?’ the penguin asks. BOOM!!!
The walls come tumbling down
There’s an update today on my previous post “Life in the fast lane“.
The elderly Chinese couple who were refusing to relocate while authorities built a giant road around their home have finally admitted defeat. In front of a crowd of onlookers, bulldozers and diggers moved in to tear the isolated house to the ground.
Luo Baogen and his wife had previously insisted on staying in the half-demolished building in the city of Wenling, Zhejiang province, because they believed that the relocation compensation offered by the government was not enough – they have now apparently accepted an increased amount from the Chinese Government.
That might well be the case but I think they probably just decided that a good night’s sleep would be found in a quieter neighbourhood!
Often there is a simpler solution
When NASA started sending astronauts into space, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work at zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion developing a pen that wrote at zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300C.
The Russians used a pencil. BOOM!!!
#ridiculous
The world really has gone mad! We read today about another poor baby being given THE most ridiculous name I’ve heard of to date! Crazy baby names are nothing new, in fact they seem to be almost de rigueur in some circles but Hashtag? As in, well, #hashtag? Really?
“Hashtag Jameson was born at 10 o’clock last nite,” the proud parent announced on Facebook last Saturday night. “She weys 8pounds and i luv her so much!!!!!!” Spelling-challenged friends started leaving equally creative congratulations in the comments. “Aww babes you finally had youre Tweetybird xxx,” one wrote.
Now this could of course be just another poorly executed viral marketing campaign but it’s well within the realms of possibility – if Frank Zappa can call his offspring Moon Unit and Gwyneth Paltrow call hers Apple, why can’t a non-celebrity chose an equally ridiculous moniker?
The internet has of course been awash with some slightly cruel hashtags of their own, including #Foolishparents, #YourParentsHateYou, #StupidestNameEver but despite the initial shock of this most recent naming debacle, parents have always named their kids after things that are important to them, whether it’s a beloved relative, a hot celebrity or, today, social media. In 2011 a couple in Egypt named their daughter Facebook, while in Israel another was named Like. Now that little Hashtag has arrived, all we need is a tiny Twitter, a sweet little YouTube and a delightful Digg and the social media baby name trend will be properly established!
Let us hope that little Hashtag will find a way to avoid problems in the playground that will surely happen when you carry such a mighty burden, but you can’t help but wonder what it will be like for her in 20 years time when she has to explain what a hashtag is!
Keep smiling :-)
Is this the happiest baby you’ve every seen? Despite seemingly being desperately tired, little Leo refuses to fall asleep but remains happy and content, smiling and gurgling at his Mum – after three – one, two, three, ahhhhhhh!!!
Life in the fast lane!
In the People’s Republic of China, during most of the Communist era, private ownership of property was abolished, making it easy for residents to be moved on – but now the laws have been tightened up and it is illegal to demolish property by force without an agreement.
This has led to an elderly couple refusing to move as a road is built round their apartment. Luo Baogen and his wife insist on living in the half-demolished building in the city of Wenling, in Zhejiang province, China because they believe that the relocation compensation offered by the government is not enough. Now the only building left standing, the five storey block is a strange sight as cars drive around it while the couple remain living inside. To ensure the couple’s safety, adjacent rooms in the building have been left intact but all their neighbours have moved out, according to local media.
The road paved through the Xiazhangyang village leads to the Wenling railway station and is yet to be officially opened. What’s the betting that there will soon be a service station and McDonald’s occupying the ground floor?
and the answer is …
Well of course it’s me! Calista Flockhart was born on 11th November 1964, Demi Moore the 11th November 1962 and me, well I’m a tad older than that!!! Were you right?
Birthday Quiz
Just a bit of fun … I’ll give you the answers tomorrow so no cheating!
Today, November 11th, marks not only my birthday, but those of Demi Moore and Calista Flockhart – but who is the oldest? Take a look at these photos and let me know what your thoughts are:
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