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Surely this takes le biscuit?

Watch Joey Barton’s press conference following his league debut for Marseille while on loan from Queens Park Rangers.   Usually better known for his “bad boy” behaviour – his career and life have been marked by numerous controversial incidents and disciplinary problems and he has been convicted twice on charges of violence and charged with violent conduct three times by The FA.

And now his latest crime – against the country that are paying his wages!  After butchering the French accent, in scenes reminiscent of Officer Crabtree in ‘Allo, ‘allo’, he also insulted his host country by criticising, in Franglais, French football, saying: ‘Maybe the one criticism of the French Ligue is it’s a leetle bit boring’.

Speaking in France before his league  debut, Barton said: ‘Perhaps I shouldn’t say it, but I’m maybe a little  too intelligent to be a footballer.’   Well he’s certainly proven to all of us that he has a degree of some kind ….. a degree of stupidity!

A Royal week in Provence

Hot on the heels of the now infamous photos of Prince Harry getting naked in Las Vegas, we are now being bombarded with tales of topless photographs being taken of his sister-in-law Kate at their remote holiday villa near Provence and sold to the highest bidder.

And the language being employed by the Palace press office is quite frankly ridiculous!  Kate is said to be in ‘agony’ while she and William are being unspeakably ‘brave’ as they are still managing to go tree climbing in the jungle or whatever it is they do for a living.

Now I know women in ‘agony’ and who are ‘brave’ because they have a serious or life-threatening illness. Perhaps we could save these words for when we really need them.

It’s not that I don’t feel sorry for her – I am sure it is extremely embarrassing to have such photos spread across the pages of gossip magazines but it’s surely time to put things into some sort of perspective.  She’s an attractive, young woman with a great figure (if a little skinny!) and this is, after all, the 21st Century when surely we aren’t shocked at the sight of a pretty girl with hardly any clothes on?

And let’s not forget that Kate is no stranger to baring her flesh for the cameras.  She came to the attention of Prince William when he saw her in a Fashion Show in 2002 while they were both studying at St. Andrews.  The Prince forked out £200 for a front seat at the charity student fashion show where Kate strode confidently down the catwalk in a see-through lace dress which revealed her black underwear. 

It also appears to be another epic fail by the Royal Protection Service.  As with Harry’s partying  antics, this again begs the question as to what their security people were doing.  If the paparazzi could see the couple by their remote swimming pool, why could the bodyguards not see the photographers and send them on their way?  Perhaps they were too busy enjoying the holiday themselves as would have appeared to have been the case in Vegas?

In a short statement issued yesterday, the palace said that legal proceedings for breach of privacy have been commenced in France and because the French have some of the strictest privacy laws in the world, I expect some hefty donations to charity will be made in the coming weeks.  However, with fines less harsh than in previous years, publications are more prone to take the risk as their boosted revenue will far outweigh the amount they will be forced to pay in damages.

Of course William and Kate are entitled to a degree of privacy when they are not on official engagements.  However, like many before them who have been photographed in such a way have discovered, there is a market in this celebrity obsessed world for such pictures and maybe, just maybe, she should have kept her kit on?

Conspiracy Theory #2795

So England were only able to manage a 1-1 draw against France in their first game of Euro2012 last night.  As always, there has been plenty said in the press about the lack of a win against a French side that, despite being the favourites, had a pretty poor back line that should perhaps have been exploited?

I am of the opinion, however, that more sinister forces are at work!  Last night, for the first time in 16 years, the England Supporters Band were unable to play after their instruments were confiscated at the stadium in Ukraine!

However, while the irritation of hearing The Great Escape theme tune repeatedly grated with many listeners, it was last night found to drown out the various mindless chants that Roy Hodgson’s barmy army indulge in and therefore is clearly the lesser of two evils.

It is not known whether the band will be allowed to play in England’s next game on Friday against Sweden in Kiev.  If they can’t play however, and if the rumours are to believed and Hodgson is planning to start Jordan Henderson, England supporters will be rendered speechless for the entire ninety minutes so that TV audiences can watch the game in muted disbelief.

Ka mate! Ka mate! Ka ora! Ka ora!

New Zealand were crowned world champions at the Rugby World Cup for the first time in 24 years today after squeezing past an inspired France team by a single point.

I am always pleased when the host nation wins a tournament and I am particularly pleased for the All Blacks who have, since 1987, always given us the haka before the game starts and this piece of theatre is both enjoyable and terrifying at the same time!

The traditional Maori war dance involves lots of thigh slapping, scary faces and loud chanting and you can’t help but feel sorry for any opposing team having to stand and watch this without the fear of God running through them! 

Take a look at this and you’ll see what I mean …..

 

Up and Under … down and out

So this morning England have spectacularly departed the Rugby World Cup 2011 at the Quarter Final Stage. 

This is the moment when Mark Cueto of England went over the line to score his try on the 75th minute, bringing the score to England 12-19 France.  At this moment, we were in with a (slim) chance as a conversion at this point would bring us level and the game would go to extra time.

In true English fashion, we then managed to snatch defeat from the jaws of a possible victory when Toby Flood failed to make the conversion when his shot went wide of the post.  (Mind you, if you check his stats he only has a conversion success rate of 69% so perhaps we shouldn’t have been surprised!).

They ran out of time and inspiration as Les Bleus set up a well deserved semi-final clash with Wales.

My nomination for tweet of the week goes to Jonathan Allen who said “The sweet chariot swung pretty low during this world cup, got what we deserved #bbcrwc”

Come on the Welsh – the only home nation still in contention!!! 

“And we were singing hymns and arias, ‘Land of my Fathers’, ‘Ar hyd y nos’.

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