Jesus v Santa
As if to prove that the commercialisation of Christmas has definitely moved a step too far, a recent survey has found that many people struggle with the storyline of the birth of baby Jesus. Over 2,000 children and parents were polled on behalf of the Bible Society about their nativity play knowledge, and the results showed some major holes in the story. Here are just some of the hilarious results:
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A majority of Britons appear to be unaware that Jesus was born out-of-wedlock
- Only 26% knew that Mary and Joseph were betrothed
- 2% thought Mary and Joseph were ‘on their first date’ when they found out she was pregnant
- A further 37 people thought Santa Claus was the first person to visit baby Jesus
- A majority believed he was sleeping in a Moses basket, not a manger
We hear a lot about “the war on Christmas”, but the true seasonal struggle is the war within Christmas, a single holiday shared by two deeply antagonistic religions.
Religion 1 is the religion of Jesus Christ, the figure whose birth the holiday commemorates. This religion emphasises universal grace and forgiveness.
Religion 2 is the religion of Santa Claus, the holiday’s most visible representative. Santa upholds a much sterner creed: “You better watch out / You better not cry / Better not pout / I’m telling you why / Santa Claus is coming to town / He’s making a list / And checking it twice / Gonna find out who’s naughty and nice …”
So even though Christmas began as a celebration dedicated to Jesus, this holiday has become increasingly commercial, most people being more interested in gifts and parties than the religious side of this holiday. Although they are tied to the same day, December 25th, Santa Claus and Jesus’ birth don’t have much in common, because each one promotes other values.
It’s funny how many people teach their kids all about Jesus and God (something that can’t be proven), while there are others that wait to introduce ideas of faith and religion to their kids when they’re old enough to decide for themselves (very enlightened!) . And then there are those who have had no problem telling their kids about a fat guy sliding down the chimney with a sack full of gifts and eating the cookies and milk, his elves, flying reindeer, and somehow doing this at midnight in every home all around the world (WTF?).
It truly is a time of year when there is something for everyone it seems! So, whatever you believe, a very Merry Christmas to one and all!!!
Mine’s a large one!
My favourite news story of the day …
Two elephants have been saved from the deadly Siberian cold by drinking vodka, Russian officials are reported as saying. Apparently the animals (which belonged to a Polish circus that had been touring the region) had to be taken out into the bitter cold after the wooden trailer they were travelling in caught fire in the Novosibirsk region. The elephants, aged 45 and 48, suffered frostbite to the tips of their ears amid temperatures of minus 40C, but they were warmed up by two cases of vodka mixed with warm water. The animals continued their recovery in a heated garage of a local college where they were brought by a truck under police escort.
Like with humans, alcohol can make animals feel warmer but it actually lowers their core body temperature, scientists say. But Komsomolskaya Pravda newspaper quoted Novosibirsk zoo director Rostislav Shilo as saying that the elephants were not harmed or intoxicated by the vodka, and that without it they would have died of hypothermia or pneumonia.
So you’ll have to excuse me while I nip across to Tesco to buy myself a bottle of Smirnoff to ward off the freezing temperatures here in Glasgow, though I’ll be taking mine with tonic instead of water – purely medicinal of course!!!
A little known fact
A second tranche of figures has just been released from the 2011 census and all the important details have been teased out and widely published. But what about the more obscure facts?
Well the main one that leapt out for me was the fact that more people in London’s Kensington and Chelsea describe themselves as working in mining and quarrying than in Gateshead, although the figures – 207 and 151 individuals respectively – are not exactly large.
The decline of the coal industry in England and Wales has been well documented and about 2,000 people now work in coal mines, according to the National Union of Mineworkers, compared with more than a million at the industry’s height in the early 1900s. The mining and quarrying industry as a whole employs 46,478, according to the 2011 Census, 
down 12,913 on 2001.
These people may of course work in management or for large international mining conglomerates such as Rio Tinto, which has its headquarters in London – unless some of the Kent miners have won the lottery and moved to the Big Smoke or there’s something going on underneath the High Street that no-one has told us about!
Seasonal humour …
As we approach the festive season, a topical joke for you …..
A group of chess enthusiasts were kicked out of a hotel reception for discussing their winning games ……… The Manager can’t stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer. BOOM!!!
Now that’s what you call a ‘boob’!
As if teenage girls aren’t body conscious enough, found on sale recently was this card, produced by Hallmark:
The company hurried to apologise for the blunder and by Friday afternoon had posted a statement on its website agreeing that the card was inappropriate, and claiming it had not been published in the last 15 years. They have promised to track down any remaining copies of the card and remove them from sale.
Now I like risqué cards as much as the next person but I genuinely believe that we have to be extremely careful when dealing with impressionable teens and big corporations should definitely behave more responsibly – I wonder if there are any cards out there referencing a teenage boy’s ‘bits’ to even up the score???
A fishy tale
On reading an article today about how Researchers have found that the lobster population in Maine has begun resorting to cannibalism – the increased number of crustaceans in Maine’s water has resulted in the bigger lobsters feasting on smaller ones apparently – I was reminded of my favourite lobster joke:
Declan the humble crab and Kate the Lobster Princess were madly, deeply and passionately in Love. For months they enjoyed an idyllic relationship until one day Kate scuttled over to Declan in tears.
“We can’t see each other anymore….” she sobbed.
“Why?” gasped Declan.
“Daddy says crabs are too common,” she wailed. “He claims you, a mere crab, and a poor one at that, are the lowest class of crustacean… and that no daughter of his will marry someone who can only walk sideways.”
Declan was shattered, and scuttled sidewards away into the darkness and to drink himself into a filthy state of aquatic oblivion. That night, the great Lobster Ball was taking place. Lobsters came from far and wide, dancing and merry-making, but the lobster Princess refused to join in, choosing instead to sit by her father’s side, inconsolable.
Suddenly the doors burst open, and Declan the crab strode in. The Lobsters all stopped their dancing, the Princess gasped and the King Lobster rose from his throne. Slowly, painstakingly, Declan the crab made his way across the floor… and all could see that he was walking not sideways, but FORWARDS, one claw after another!
Step by step he made his approach towards the throne, until he finally looked King Lobster in the eye. There was a deadly hush. Finally, the crab spoke…………..
“F***, I’m pissed.”
It’s official
So this morning it has been confirmed that Brussels will definitely refuse to let Scotland automatically join the European Union if voters back Alex Salmond’s plans for independence. Officials at the European Commission have revealed Scotland’s EU membership will ‘cease to apply’ if it is no longer part of the UK and the Spanish government has made clear it would ‘veto’ any attempt by Scotland to join since this would likely bolster calls for Catalonian independence.
Since the acceptance of any new member must be unanimous, this is a major blow [and embarrassment] for Mr Salmond, who has publicly claimed that Scotland would automatically continue to be in the Euro bloc.
Surely the last nail in this particular political coffin?
Witty Wednesday
A penguin walks into a shop and asks the assistant: ‘Do you have any grapes?’ ‘No,’ he replies.
The same thing happens the next day, and the day after. On the third day the assistant replies: ‘No, and if you come in asking for grapes again I will nail your flippers to the floor!’
The next day the penguin walks in and asks: ‘Got any nails? ‘No,’ replies the assistant. ‘Got any grapes?’ the penguin asks. BOOM!!!
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