Monthly Archives: February 2012
Ladies, it’s a Leap Year!
Today, 29th February, is the day when in Britain it is a tradition that women may propose marriage. It is said that this tradition goes way back to the 5th century although there is little evidence to support this. What is definite however is that while in an ordinary year, girls might be happy to wait for the man to do the asking, almost half of unmarried women polled in a recent survey would take advantage of a leap year to propose to their partner on February 29 – though two thirds would still expect their partner to buy them a ring! It also revealed that three quarters of men nationwide would have ‘no problem’ with being proposed to.
So come on Ladies, this opportunity will not come your way again for another 4 years – and don’t forget to talk to Party Lights about the lighting hire for your reception!
This little piggy
The latest ‘fad’ amongst people with more money than sense is to buy one of these adorable little micropigs. With their wrinkled little snouts, tiny trotters and oversized ears, they are irresistibly cute. But while these micro pigs may be minuscule, their price tag is anything but. In exchange for up to £700, owners take home a pet which weighs just 9oz at birth and is the size of a tea cup. Two years later the pigs are fully grown – but still only weigh up to 65lb and stand at around 14in tall. They can live for up to 18 years and make popular pets as they are low maintenance, quiet and surprisingly clean.
I would love one but think the idea may be slightly better than the reality – whichever way you look at it, pigs were never meant to be domestic pets!
Gooner Power!
It has been a difficult season for anyone supporting Arsenal and today’s derby match against Tottenham was a test of nerves for all of us. In the end however Tottenham threw away a two goal lead to concede five at Arsenal for the first time since 1934.
We scored an incredible 5 goals in 27 minutes either side of half-time to win the game 5-2 and are back up in 4th place in the Premier League Table. Yes, our defense was awful but we were on fire when on attack and 2 goals in as many minutes did an amazing job of easing tension in the crowd at the Emirates.
With Arsenal fans ironically chanting”Harry for England”, Rosicky almost made it six after a one-two with Theo Walcott, whose own 2 stunning goals in this game silenced his critics in the stadium – for now at least!
To complete Spurs’s misery, Scott Parker was sent off after his receiving his second yellow card for a foul on Vermaelen. A day to forget for Redknapp – but one that might be of some significance for Wenger and Arsenal.
The transport of my youth updated
Those of you who know me well will know that “I don’t do buses”. It is a very long time since I was forced through age, lack of money, and lack of alternatives to get from A to B other than by the good old Red London Bus.
It was however a fundamental part of growing up in a place like Twickenham, which is just outside of London, and we had our regular routes that we used to travel, always joking about the fact that you’d wait half an hour and 3 would all turn up at once.
The old hop-on, hop off buses were the ones I used most regularly and the No. 281 was the route that took me to college in Kingston, along past Twickenham Green, through Teddington High Street and over the bridge to the town centre. There was always something exhilarating about standing on that platform as you approached your stop, the wind in your hair and the sense of danger lurking just around the corner.
It was a sad day then when these old-fashioned spectacles were replaced by the boxier, more modern version with automatic doors that make that horrible “whooshing” noise as they opened and closed (and don’t get me started on those ridiculous bendy buses!).
It was with delight then that I read this morning that a new version of the old hop-on, hop-off is being introduced on some routes from next week. A sleeker, curvier version of its predecessor, it boasts 3 passenger doors and 2 sets of stairs to the upper deck.
We are also going to see the return of the bus conductor on these routes – not to take fares but to supervise people getting on and off the rear platform, although I’m sure the PC brigade will have a field day on this one! And, as it is topical of course, it is 15% more fuel-efficient than the existing hybrid buses and 40% more efficient than conventional double-deckers.
With the current trend of remakes in the film industry, how long do you think it will be before someone decides to remake Summer Holiday, this time with Justin Bieber in the Cliff Richard role – heaven forbid!!!
Precise Mathematics
This comes from 2 maths teachers with a combined total of 70 years experience. It has an indisputable mathematical logic.
This is a strictly mathematical viewpoint .. it goes like this:
What Makes 100%?
What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. What makes up 103%? What makes up 100% in life?
Here’s a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
and
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
But ,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
And,
B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%
AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.
A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%
So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that while Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it’s the Bullshit and Ass Kissing that will put you over the top.
Now you know why some people are where they are!
You won’t have seen this on Gumtree!
‘Where there’s muck there’s brass’ is a 20th century expression which originated in Yorkshire, England where brass is still used as a slang term for money. By ‘muck’ any form of dirt or manure may be implied, depending on context.
Never was this saying more true than in the case of Russian fertiliser magnate Dmitry Rybolovlev – said to be the world’s 93rd richest man – who spent $88m (£56m) buying a Central Park West pad, a lavish New York penthouse with panoramic views of Central Park which has become the most expensive apartment ever sold in the city.
It also brings new meaning to the words “student flat” as it is thought he has purchased this property for his 22 year old daughter Ekaterina!!!
The penthouse stands at the top of 15 Central Park West, a landmark building designed by architect Robert Stern and boasts a custom-made oval bedroom, a library, gallery, chef’s kitchen and a 2,100 sq ft (195 sq m) terrace running along three sides of the building.
Sold by high-end New York real estate agents Brown Harris Stevens, the apartment is expected to net the broker a commission of $3.5m, according to the Wall Street Journal.
However, the apartment is not even thought to be the most expensive US property in Mr Rybolovlev’s portfolio. He is said to have paid closer to $100m for an investment property in Palm Beach, Florida in 2011.
The type of fertiliser that Mr Rybolovlev works with has not been reported but it’s probably safe to say he has most certainly come up smelling of roses!!!
Today’s Guest Blogger
Please check out the Guest Bloggers page – today’s posting is from the Fairy Lights King at Party Lights – I’ve included a link to their own blog – please take a look at: http://weddinglightinghire.wordpress.com
God bless her … and all who sail in her
We spent a very enjoyable couple of hours yesterday visiting The Royal Yacht Britannia in Leith. In case you haven’t heard of it, she is considered to be one of the most famous ship’s in the world – for all the right reasons, I’d like to add. She isn’t remembered for the great tragedy that could have been averted (like the Titanic) and nor is she an unsolved mystery of modern times (like the Mary Celeste). No, the Royal Yacht Britannia, launched on the 16th April 1953 at John Brown’s Shipyard in Clydebank served the British Royal Family for more than 40 years, before being finally decommissioned in 1997.
The Royal Yacht Britannia was originally meant to be a mobile haven for the Royal Family, in case nuclear war broke out with the Soviet Union. This queenly vessel has sailed all over the globe, clocking up more than a million miles. In addition to having carried British diplomats and dignitaries on over 900 official voyages, it was also used by the Royal Family for holidays and recreational getaways.
Honeymoon Suite (the only double bed on board)
In addition to being a second home to Her Majesty The Queen and the Royal Family the Yacht was also a grand host to political figures, kings, queens, prime ministers and presidents. Among the world leaders who have enjoyed the lavish hospitality of this famous yacht are Nelson Mandela, Sir Winston Churchill, and Bill Clinton. While, more famously perhaps, being used for the honeymoon of Princess Diana and Prince Charles.
Bunks for Royal Marines
Walking around the ship, one can’t fail to notice the obvious differences between life on board as a passenger and that of a crew member. Whilst by today’s standards the living accommodation enjoyed by the Royal Family was by no means on a par with that of a 5 Star luxury modern cruise ship, it was perfectly functional and comfortable. I could not help but feel sorry for the poor crew who had to spend months at sea in far from ideal conditions and absolutely nothing in terms of privacy and we didn’t even get to see the bunks for the lowliest of them either!
I can however definitely recommend a glass of bubbly and a smoked salmon sandwich in the magnificent Tea Room on what was the Royal Deck and you can’t leave without buying a box of fudge from the NAAFI on board either!
After it was decommissioned, Her Majesty the Queen declared that no other Royal Yacht would ever replace the Britannia. Today, moored permanently at Leith, Edinburgh, this magnificent vessel has become one of the most popular tourist attractions in Scotland. BBC News calls it “Scotland’s leading visitor-friendly attraction” and it has received Conde Nast Johansen’s prestigious UK’s Most Excellent Dedicated Venue title.
Next time you’re in Edinburgh with a couple of hours to spare, it is well worth a visit.
Toilet humour
As I am currently undertaking lots of competency based interviews on graduate recruitment campaigns, I knew it was only going to be a matter of time before a gift like this fell into my lap for the blog – and it’s a cracker!!!
Posters have gone up around Swansea University campus instructing students on how to use the toilet properly. They say it has produced them to help address cultural differences. The posters include images showing students what they should and should not do. Some students have called them ridiculous but others say they are a good idea to help keep the toilets clean and hygienic.
A university spokeswoman said: “Swansea University is a multi-cultural campus community and the informational posters were produced, for use in both male and female facilities, to help address cultural differences that were unfortunately causing damage and hygiene issues.
Oh well, guess it gives a new meaning to the phrase “shit happens!”
Funniest joke of the year 2012
A one-liner by comedian Tim Vine has been named the funniest joke of the year at the Loaded Laftas comedy awards. Vine’s joke, “Conjunctivitis.com – that’s a site for sore eyes”, beat competition from Jimmy Carr, Sarah Millican and Paul Daniels.
Tim the brother of Radio 2 presenter Jeremy, can now stake a claim to being the king of the one-liners. In 2010, he won the award for the funniest joke at the Edinburgh Fringe with the line: “I’ve just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I’ll tell you what, never again.” And last year, his joke, “Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels”, was named second funniest at the Fringe.
Whether Tim had much competition at this year’s Laftas is open to debate. I think his jokes are “laugh out loud” hysterical but when you see the ones he beat, he is quite clearly a comic genious!
Jimmy Carr: “I know a couple who get on like a house on fire. They both feel trapped and are slowly suffocating to death.”
Sarah Millican: “My mother told me, you don’t have to put anything in your mouth you don’t want to. Then she made me eat broccoli, which felt like double standards.”
Matt Kirshen: “I was playing chess with my friend and he said, ‘Let’s make this interesting’. So we stopped playing chess.”
Paul Daniels: “I said to a fella ‘Is there a B&Q in Henley?’ He said ‘No, there’s an H, an E, an N an L and a Y’.”
Laugh? I nearly fell of my chair while splitting my sides … not!!!
My personal favourite joke of the moment however, is the one that asks “How much of his finger did Paul Daniels recently cut off in an accident? Answers on a postcard please!!!
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